Hell in a Cell Review

I already got drunk and bought a lyft got to come home so now i give my honest opinion as to what happened on hell in a cell 2014.
forst of all where was jack swagger and first of all wtf
second of all the first match
i like dolph giggler and all

but look at wrestling in the real world, and then look at who giggler is wrestling tonight

obviously who in the world is gonna win. we know and you know but wrestling isn't real so who wins? giggler and not cesaro but i like cesaro but who cares because I'm shitty and my life matters not. but obviously if the world is real cesaro is the best of the championsjgop 

next match,

nikolai volkbella

vs,

nikita koloffbella

who cares they both look the same bria bella bell mode is married to daniel bray but she can't do yes yesy yes right so fuck her and fuck life and i die and you die and fort king and animal raps

i hear voices is in m head they talk to me they understand the y talk to me

guess what you can make all the memes you want in the world but no matter what the people you want to win won't because john vrna is the rnay or ton brit guess what daniel btuan will retina wrestle mania 40 so fuck you.

fuck you versus

fuck you versus make the world nice and we care about each other and the world lover each outer

guess what hate wins because the asshle wins and life is bad because sheamus is a shit

big show versus

rsueb

oh hey stupid guess what america is willy nelson and woody harrelson and big show aint america so fist your ass up tousled

aj lee

versues paigemaster

who givers a shit because theres two good wwe divas.

they are

nattie neidhart

and

charlotte flair.

everybody else is a date of time even cm punk aj lee

when charlotte and nattie are wrestling for the divas wwe title divas will matter until then fuck you eat shit motherfucker.

oh yeah there was one really good match

dean ambrose

vs,

seth rollins

look this was a great match and the future of wwe.

there shoufl have been blood but guess what bray wyatt came back

now we get bray wyatt vs team abmros and wrestling is good again and my life is work living and i won't jump off a beige

but you son of a bitch i need daniel bryan so much and i need wade barrett so much

and also can macho man please be alive again and live forever?

fuvk you i want shakeys

New Phone.

I had to get a new phone today cuz my old phone broke.
In some ways its better in some ways its worse.

Here are some videos from the old phone.
Gonna miss ya.

R.I.P.

KillRockStars/ParkingLot.

Well, sometimes to make some extra cash I have to be an audience extra.
Which means that any tv shows that have a studio audience and that you couldn't imagine anyone voluntarily wanting to go watch that show in person usually have to hire people like me to go sit in the audience and pretend to clap and be excited for minimum wage.
www.standingroomonly.tv

This morning I was booked to be an audience extra for "Comics Unleashed With Byron Allen."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_9n5U3Q5KA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnAzn_wsRl0

(I'm actually in the audience for this episode maybe you can find me if you look hard enough)

Comics Unleashed is a pretty ironic title because these comedians are technically completely leashed.
Byron Allen asks them only questions to lead them into bit from their standup routine. There's literally no non-act banter allowed it seems like so they're pretty much 100% leashed.
If you'll notice, Byron Allen asks these people completely random questions that have nothing to do with anything anyone is talking about.
Also, even though there is a paid studio audience, they clearly have to add laugh track to most of those jokes.
Try sitting through like six of those episodes in a row at home on your couch comfortably, then imagine doing it in a hot studio crammed between a bunch of random people you've never met for like 8 hours.
Its not the worst thing you could be doing I guess. Still its not great.
Plus everybody who works there treats you like shit.

Anyway,  the reason today stood out was that one of the guests was Cameron Esposito.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6GsXowrZBA

Heres why that matters to me.

She has a new comedy album recently put out by the record label Kill Rock Stars.

So heres my KillRockStars story.

This one time, Portia, the president of the KillRockStars label began emailing back and forth with my band Manhattan Murder Mystery.

Eventually after a few weeks of talking about what are plans were and stuff like that, she tells me that she's coming into town the next weekend and she wanted to know if I could set up a show that Friday somewhere so that she could come watch us play.

The date she asked us to play just also happened to be my birthday.

So I guess I got a little bit excited because the president of a fairly big record label seemed to like our band a lot and wanted to come see us play on my birthday. So it looked like all the hard work finally paid off.

I set up a show at the F House specifically just for her to see us.
Jon Barba played too.
People made me a birthday cake.
We had a pretty good show I think.
Portia came.
I talked to her for a while.
After we finished playing I didn't see her around.
Also I didn't hear from her for a long time.

I emailed her a couple times and she basically strung us along.
It was always stuff like "big fan, let me know when you play in Portland" stuff like that.
When we did play in Portland she wouldn't come.

Now a couple years have passed and I'm pretty much assuming its not gonna work out.

So there I was today, somebody she signed to her label was getting interviewed on national television while I have to sit through it miserable to try and earn enough money to buy a bottle of whiskey so that I can get drunk at the show I'm playing at later.

I guess the only revenge I'll ever get is that MMM is working on a new album right now and its called "KillRockStars" and its pretty much about all that and they're probably not gonna be into releasing that one either.

However, before that album comes out….

These dudes randomly heard us on KXLU a couple months ago and they hit us up and were just like "hey I don't know you but I wanna make a video for that song I heard on KXLU."
We said yes.
This is it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRtc7V3Vap4

So, I got that going for me.

Teardroppe Summer Movie Review Spectaculare

Well friends, another Summer Movie Season has come and gone. I certainly spent my fair share of time in the theater. Here are the movies I saw this Summer and my reviews. Who are the big winners and losers? Read on and find out!

Neighbors

I downloaded this movie on my computer one night at my girlfriends house in Long Beach while she was at work. Like a week later her roommates got a cease and desist letter warning them not to download movies anymore. That's all I really remember about Neighbors.

Godzilla

I was pretty excited about the new Godzilla when I saw the trailers for it.
Then I finally went to see it at the Vista and it was fine.
We're all just gonna die anyway so who gives a shit.

A Million Ways to Die in the West



I thought this movie was really funny but I was also really drunk when I watched it so you might wanna double check with Nate.

Edge of Tomorrow

Edge of Tomorrow is just like all those other movies that it looks exactly the same as but I saw it at the dollar theater and was pretty into it.
For a minute I thought I was in the wrong theater because there were a bunch of 2 year olds in it but it turns out I was in the right place and a bunch of parents took their little kids to see this. Fuck it.

Tammy

I thought maybe this would be funny and it turns out its maybe the worst movie I've ever seen.
I saw this at the dollar theater(double feature with Edge of Tomorrow) and I snuck Del Taco in for this one.
However, trying to eat a Bean and Cheese burrito Bold with Red Sauce in a dark movie theater is pretty tough. I ended up getting beans all over myself.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Now for this movie I snuck in a Grilled Cheese Animal Style from In and Out Burger. I'm not as into In and Out Burger as some people but the people I was with stopped there and I hadn't eaten all day and was about to go get really drunk immediately after the movie so fuck it. The problem with my selection was once I got to my seat and reached into the bag to get my food out it was like reaching into a big bag of mush. Plus I had already come in late and was sitting in the front and I felt bad about doing so much ruffling around with my bag.
Also I liked the first Planet of the Apes remake better but I still liked this one ok.

Guardians of the Galaxy

Yeah of course I liked it everybody did.
I saw it on my birthday, although I do wish that Ninja Turtles had come out on my birthday instead of this because that would have made more birthday sense.
For like a week leading up to this I was convinced that I got free Shakeys on my birthday because I saw some random article that said that.
It turns out it was just some lady's blog post from like 2009 or something it was bullshit so fuck her.
I guess I'm officially an adult because people don't really buy me gifts anymore and there aren't any old people left to send me money.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


It was like Transformers but with Ninja Turtles instead of robots.
My parents took me to see the original one in the theater and they brought some of their Christian friends with them because everybody thought it was just some silly kids cartoon but it turns out the original movie was more like the old comics and it was kind of dark and there was a bunch of cussing in it.
So then I wasn't allowed to watch the sequel, but I bought a bunch of Secret of the Ooze trading cards so I got the gist of it.
The second one wasn't that great. Nothing much in life is.

Boyhood


Yeah, yeah, Boyhood was great and all, but what's the deal with that 7-11 at Vermont and Franklin by the Los Feliz 3 that doesn't take EBT?
Like what's their fucking problem, right?

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Ida

I randomly saw this at this artsy theater in Oakland while I was on tour. I needed a break from the gang I was touring with so I went on a long walk by myself all over Oakland looking for a movie theater to kill some time in.

The only problem was the theater didn't have any outlets for me to plug my phone in which was one of my main goals of the day.

Like what's their fucking problem right?

Anyway, it was another exciting Summer Movie Season filled with Blockbusters and Superstars!

Can't wait to see what adventures are waiting for us around the corner for Summer Movie Season 2015!

That One Time When A Bunch of People Called Me a Faggot.

Well, this one time someone on the internet became obsessed with me or something and started posting a bunch of comments on websites and message boards either posing as me or just talking trash about me.

I never found out who this person was, but they seemed to think I was some rich guy or something.

Heres an underground hip hop forum where they pretended to be me trying to get people to listen to my band. There are like a hundred pages of the fake me arguing with them but these were all I could still find:

http://forums.undergroundhiphop.com/printpost.asp?Forum=GenDiscussion&QuestionID=2752787

Some of my favorite quotes from this are:

"prolly thought about cucumbers when you thunked up that one  you little rock fagit"

"wutz it liek balding in your mid 20s you mid 20s balding faggat you"

"One can assume that with a user name like Mathew Teardrop and and band with a name like Manhattan Murder Mystery MMM, that you are some sort of indy rock christian emo hipsters."

"i just want to say, from the bottom of my heart. you look like a pedophile."

"you are an incredible faggot "

I think this thread went on for a couple weeks. The people on the board started posting weird photoshop pictures of people in the band naked and stuff (I think the pictures got removed because they're not there anymore.) That was when I decided to anonymously post as my rap alter ego MC Gainey and try to get them to stop. 

http://forums.undergroundhiphop.com/printpost.asp?Forum=GenDiscussion&QuestionID=2758476

Here are some of my favorite quotes from this section:

"Id like to hear your views on life, love and utter faggotness"

"i wanna suck a fart out of yer assoul"

"lmfao sh1t had me lolin like a lil fgt"

"bask in the faggotry that is MMM"

"your names should Fat Neck Beard and the Chinese Thing"

I figured I'm obviously supposed to be "Fat Neck Beard," but I haven't been able to figure out which band member is supposed to be the "Chinese Thing."

When the underground hip hop message board died down, they started posting comments on random articles around the internet about what a faggot I was/am.

Like this random terrible article about hipster culture. Most of the pictures and stuff are gone, but this guy basically just pulled a bunch of pictures off of http://lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com and posted a couple Animal Collective videos. 

http://www.amog.com/lifestyle/horrible-aspects-hipster-culture/

I didn't even live in Silverlake at the time, I lived in Little Armenia.

Also it started to seem like the same person was posting a couple times under different names agreeing with themselves.

Even the people who said the liked the band on the comments I don't buy because we were even less popular than we are now back then. We were literally playing to just the bartenders at Relax Bar around that time. Who remembers?

Also they posted a couple comments on random videos of us, like this old video where they literally copy and pasted their comment from the above article onto one of our old youtube videos, which didn't make much sense because they started a comment on a video by saying, "haha great article." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H_Ya8g3lj0

And then there was silence.

I couldn't find anything from this person for like a year.

But then, one day. someone Rebecca Balin reviewed a show we played at for L.A. Record and all hell broke loose.

http://larecord.com/live-reviews/2011/01/11/college-kids-marvelous-toy-manhattan-murder-mystery-la-bries

The commenter came out of retirement and it was a doozy.

They started out posting as enraged everyman misogynist  "Terry Johnson," then "Terry's #1 Fan" jumped in the mix, followed by "Vinda," "massive," "Tami," "Dina," and "Cord."

I never actually found out who this was but I do have one potential suspect.

There was this band we played with this one time who got really mad at us for some reason in the middle of our set and tried to start a fight with the other bands who were playing.

I walked to the liquor store with them at one point and bought a big bottle of whiskey for us to share and I pulled out a check card to pay with(I had a job at the time) and the one dude in the band gave me this evil look and said "you're the devil."

So it might have been somebody in that band those are the only people I remember ever really being pissed off at me.

Boy, I sure wish someone was interested enough in me these days to call me a faggot.

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New Teardrop Orchestra E.P.

The second song is a cover.
This is also out on cassette somewhere in Portland.
Idk where, Jon Seitan has it somewhere in a box.

http://matthewteardroporchestra.bandcamp.com/releases

This One Time I Almost Got Sued by Disney.

Well, when I was a kid my parents used to pass out Gospel tracts on the National Mall in Washington D.C.

I decided to get in on the act eventually and started making my own tracts to pass out.

Last time I went home to Virginia I found a couple that I made.

Here's one where I compared and contrasted a trip to Disneyland and a trip to Heaven.

It's called "The Magic Kingdom."

Was "The Magic Kingdom" referring to Disney World or Heaven?
Read on and decide.

If you're thinking about going to a Disney theme park you should kill yourself instead because Heaven is more fun and has free snacks and no lines.

Well, I'm assuming a lot of people became Christians because of this.

There were a few times when I was a kid that random people called my house to talk about Jesus and I didn't really know what to say to them so it was usually pretty awkward.

Also at some point I received a "Cease and Desist" letter from the Disney company who somehow I guess ended up with a copy of this. But my Uncle lawyer wrote them a letter back telling them I was a kid or something and we never heard back from them.

Also once when i was like 14 a bunch of kids at my church found these tracts I made and made fun of me for it.

We're all just trying our best.

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